MagnetRose

AP: The Books and the Brothers

Mon, 13 Apr 2009 22:21:01 GMT

       Not too long ago, two twin brothers were walking alongside a river at dawn preparing for a long day of gold-panning to increase their fortune. In the river they spotted two shiny objects glittering under the surface of the water. Excited, they jumped into the river and retrieved the glittering objects which turned out to be gold and gem encrusted books sealed with silver stamps and adorned with golden locks. Despite being immersed in water the paper of the books appeared unharmed and dried in the sunlight quickly.

One of the boys, Zeki, argued that they should break the precious seals and find out what was written within. The other boy, Avdimi, didn't think this wise and argued that they should sell the books as they were and invest the money in the farmlands given to them from their father before his death.

      For the next two weeks they argued over this through the night until finally the Wise Owl who lived in the trees straddling the boys' respective lands could no longer sleep and reprimanded Zeki and Avdimi.

      "Look, see. There are two books and there are two of you. Each of you should take a book and do as you see fit with it. Be done with this infernal arguing and let me sleep!"

      The boys, seeing the owl's wisdom, did as he said and went their separate ways.

      Zeki broke the seal on his book and found the book to be complicated and unwieldy with its words, diagrams and pictures. He devoted his evenings to deciphering the text and his mornings on tending to his poorly producing farm.

      Avdimi sold his book at market to a wealthy collector and gained riches beyond any of his imaginings. He lived richly from then on and his farm flourished.

Two years later, a drought struck the land and Avdimi's riches, which were almost entirely invested in his farmland, were devastated and depleted with the drought.

Zeki, who had, after two years, deciphered much of the gem encrusted book and learned how to build a mill to store up the increasing earnings of his crops had managed to survive the drought with enough resources to survive the upcoming growing and planting seasons twice over.

     So, Zeki lived richly, and Avdimi lived poorly.

Avdimi sought his brother's help but Zeki only gave him a small pouch of money and a slip of paper and told him to seek out that which offers wealth more than its weight in gold.

      The paper had on it written a location in the nearby city and the coin pouch was depleted of all its coins but one for Avdimi's journey to the city. Avdimi found himself at the location of a old and used book store and was angry with his brother for leading him on a fruitless journey.

   Avdimi placed the last gold coin in his shoe vowing to never spend another ounce of his brother's money and peddled on the streets of the city for many days and nights afterward.

   For two months Avdimi wandered the lonely masses packed into the city but always seemed to end up back at the old and used book store. Many times did he come close to entering the book store before he recalled his anger with his brother and once again turned his back on the store front. Until one day when the sky opened up for the first time in months and rained upon the earth.

Avdimi entered the book store for the first time to escape the drenching rains and wandered the aisles aimlessly, never quite seeing the titles or the covers of the books around him. That is until he saw a book with wedges and grooves and knife marks where its gems and gold had been plundered leaving the leather cover ugly and unseemly. The tag that adorned its marred cover advertised the price of one little gold coin for the abused book, but its pages, like when he and his brother had first pulled the books from their watery resting place were as pristine and untouched as if just pressed.

Friendship and lonliness

Wed, 08 Apr 2009 05:17:39 GMT

The past weekend has been great. I got to hang out with one of my best internet buddies for the whole weekend. Today she had to go back so I'm quite sad. It was nice being so near another person again. Plus I had a roommate for a good four days. It was awesome.

Now I'm alone again.

I fell that loneliness even more now. Every one of my friends is so busy, so focused on things that it's hard to get together with people. I guess I'm sort of okay with that. I'm not entirely happy that I'm alone, but I'm coming to terms with it. Over the past few days I've been rediscovering my independence. It's going to be a long process to get myself back to where I have been before in my ability to be independent, but that's okay too.

I'm separating myself from my friends, my coworkers, and my love for him so that I can realize myself again.

It's been a struggle to do anything these days, but today I felt the need to do something. I did required work and I got stuff done. I'm taking a break, but this week has been good to me so far. I'll put more here later.

Good Days

Mon, 06 Apr 2009 05:01:31 GMT

The past few days have been good. I've had the chance to hang out with my friends and I've had the chance to relax, but I'm not sure some times how long it will last.

On a scale of 1 - 10 I'm I at a 7 I think. A scale of good emotions. 1 being depressed, and ten being euphoric. Ever since I decided that I need to break my feelings for him I've been feeling that lift that had brought me out of my depression last semester moving away. My balance is wavering and my next test is to see if I can stand on my own two feet without that artificial lift anymore. I know that I will always have a special place in my heart for him, I know that won't go away, and I don't want it to go. That emotion while so painful at times is also really truly beautiful.

I really want to go give him a hug, because I have no other way to express my feelings. Some times I hope that the end of the semester would be here sooner so that I can at least get these feeling off my chest.

I want to cry now. But that's okay. I'll be okay.

He seems like the kind of person who would feel awkward with it all. If I told him he might become distant. I know that it's probably inevitable because I can't keep this under wraps.

What would I say to him?

"I've had a crush on you since October."

"Wanna go out on a date?"

"I'm madly in love with you."

Should I write him a letter? I've gotten a letter before. It was wholly unwanted and out of the blue. But I've known him for months now. This isn't just a silly crush like it was for "Jelly." I feel it so keenly.

If I did write a letter would it be simple or long? I hate long letters, and he doesn't really like to read. What would I say?

Here's what I imagine it would say at this point:

"I've had a crush on you since October. Never had I enjoyed the company of someone more than I have had with you. I'm sorry if at times I can be annoying or a bother to be around, I realize that I have a tendency to come on a little strong, and i hope you can forgive me for that. I'm trying to learn how to control myself.

But, I wanted you to know, at least how I feel. I don't need a response, and I don't need your acknowledgment of it. I don't even need your reciprocation. I just can't keep it inside anymore. I'm sorry that this is out of the blue. I couldn't think of another way to tell you that I love you.

I know you're not much for reading, so I'll keep it short. It up to you what you want to do with this, burn it or store it, it's up to you. Your response, if you want to give it, wont change how I feel, or act around you. Just know that I'll have a place for you in my heart, always."

Even that's too long...

I just don't know! I feel like a high school girl with all this silliness.

"I love you my love my love my love."

Maybe I'll just write a letter telling him what I love about him. But that might be a tad stalker-ish.

It's something to consider for the future.

Love is...

Thu, 02 Apr 2009 01:50:29 GMT

Love isn't easy to escape from. I don't even know if I really want to escape from it. These feelings are rare. I know. I've only felt this kind of immensity twice, including this time. All others have been little crushes, little infatuations. And never have I spent so much time around a person.

The sad thing is, that I feel at times that even if i did confess my feelings we would never be able to work out. We are very different people. The age difference doesn't bother me as much anymore.

I love him. Love him. Love. I love his hands. I love his hair. I love how he smiles. I love how he laughs. I love making him laugh. I like the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles kindly. I love his energy. I even love him for his struggles. I used to believe I would never know what true love was, but now I do. Even if it doesn't work out with him, he has given me something priceless.

It's such a weird feeling.

I've been trying to figure it out now while I still can. Analytically, it's a very interesting process to go through. Good fodder for my stories even if it hurts to delve into it so deeply.

I'm still figuring this out.

A Memory of Vitamin A

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 05:48:58 GMT

I had a random memory.

I remember when I was small, my mother had a bottle of vitamin A pills. I remember being fascinated with the texture and the color of the pills. I would run my fingernails across the infinitesimal, hairline seam of the pill, digging said fingernail into the seam and trying to break the pill. When the pill would finally break the warm liquid of the pill would seep out and get all over my fingertips and the pill shell was equally as fascinating as the unusual warmth.

The Ending

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 07:39:00 GMT

It ends now. The pranking. The games.

He has shown the capacity for retaliation. The game has been played. He has won the game. So now it ends.

They talked of respect. It hurt to think that they thought that I had no respect. But I felt redeemed in some way when he said that he trusted me.

Is that trust gone now?

I wonder.

I hope not.

I need to find another outlet for such games. I think I will rejoin the club. They appreciate my games.

But still, I am sad that he didn't look me in the eye once while I was in there. He may have just been concentrating but I feel that I have for once and all, lost him. It's time, I think to bring out the meek side of myself. The quiet, reserved self. It's time.

I have already begun by spending less time in the lobby.

It shall continue. I shall not speak. I shall go about my business. It shall not continue as it has before.

I will be a new person.

Over and over

Sat, 28 Mar 2009 16:18:17 GMT

Over and over life grows. Over and over life dies. Over and over we cry. Over and over we laugh. Over and over the world sighs. Over and over the world breathes.

An observation:

Some people I know are buried neck deep in cynicism. They stand in the middle of a river and hope above all hope that the river will change direction while all the while they are battered and beaten by the rushes. Would it not be easier to flow with the river, to run with it, and slowly reroute the river?

Meditate on this.

Goals

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 21:47:05 GMT

#1: To not text or call him all weekend unless it's part of work.
#2: To not spend valuable time sitting in the lobby when I should be doing work.
#3: To get all my papers done today and not tomorrow.
#4: To read something that isn't part of classwork.
#5: To not have too many goals at once and live life simply and efficiently.

Philosophy

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 18:52:50 GMT

Outside the JUB, or the James Union Building for you laymen, the philosophy professors, and sometimes the students, stand outside grousing wax philosophic to each other. "Socrates this, Keats that." Smoke rises from the porch where only five feet away a sign says: "Please smoke 20 feet from the building."

The old bearded men, and the clean cut men don't seem to mix, two different worlds grasping for understanding of the other. The raggedy students, and the posh students don't seem to mix, two different worlds grasping for understanding of the other.

Smoke rises from the porch where only five feet away a sign says: "Please smoke 20 feet from the building."

Talkative

Fri, 27 Mar 2009 06:45:13 GMT

I thought of a story earlier today.

The place: A cross section of a street.

The characters: A handful of people in various locations around the location.

The story: Each person sees a different side of The Incident. Each one sees a different clue, a different part of wide equation. As you read each chapter you get another side of the picture until the very end where everything is brought together and harmonized.

I like it. I drew a picture of The Location in my Bible as Literature class. I'll have to scan and post it later.